i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
