Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
