sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Too much gin, very little bucket
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
