clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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