I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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