Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
