Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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