living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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