Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just want nice things and good sex
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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