So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
