I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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