He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
