Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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