I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
