This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
