If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So much rum. So many feels.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
