Please, let me fuck your mom
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
