Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
