Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
