Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
