Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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