Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The convent might be a nice break from real life
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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