Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize