can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
