You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
