I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
