google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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