hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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