Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
There's even glitter on my cock...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
