Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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