fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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