He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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