is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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