You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Drunk is not a location!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
