Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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