Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
