If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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