Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
