Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
