I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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