just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
