I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
