I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
