just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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