i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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