why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
