we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
