i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
