Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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