In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
