she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
