so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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