I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
