epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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