I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
