Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
