Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
