Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
