she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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