they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
