I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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