Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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