LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
