He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
