I can tuck mytits in my pants
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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