I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize