We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Randomize