Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
