This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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