i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
